Life-affirming Grilled Shrimp Tacos
After you eat these, I know you will want to send me things. Cash, first-born children, marriage proposals. Don’t bother. Except for the cash. I’ll take that.
“I think I just made aioli in my jeans.”
Introduction
After you eat these, I know you will want to send me things. Cash, first-born children, marriage proposals. Don’t bother. Except for the cash. I’ll take that.
Oh, and lucky you, not only do you get these amazing tastes, you get some pretty cool vocabulary you won’t find in any dictionary because I made it up.
You’re welcome!
First things first: you will need to make your own corn tortillas. This is non-negotiable. Don’t let me hear about you using some dammed store-bought corn tortillas that disintegrate when you look at them funny, or EVEN WORSE(!) store-bought fucking flour tortillas. Have you learned nothing from me???
All you need is a $2 bag of masa, which, in case you didn’t know, is Spanish for “sexy-delicious”, or something like that. Anyway, you’ll weep over all those wasted years you used the store-bought shit.
And then you will have something to pile your smoky-spicy grilled shrimp and a garlicky aioli on top of. I know, right? But put your wallets away, motherfuckers. I’m not done.
The piece de resistance (French for…piece…of…super awesome…ness???) is the avocado salsa.
If you live in an area of the country that has Florida-type avocados, get one. If not, get your ass in the car and go to part of the country that has them, and get one. They will make you realize that the avocado is, in fact, a fruit. Less fatty than the California Haas variety, they have a freshness and firmness that is perfect for a pico-style salsa.
Persea americana “fuerte”, which is Spanish for “whale’s vagina”
If you absolutely can’t get this type of avocado…fine, use the little nubby ones. I’m not a monster. I can compromise.
But. Just. This. Once.
Shit You Will Need
Second-best corn tortillas. Or best corn tortillas if you have it in you.
Shrimp
2 lbs raw shrimp (big enough to thread on grilling skewers), peeled and de-veined. That’s not a vein, BTW, it’s intestine. Yes, children. That stringy shit is, in fact, shit.
Olive oil, 3-4 Tbs
2 cloves minced garlic
1 tsp ground ancho chile
1/2 tsp ground chipotle chile
1/2 tsp ground cumin
1/2 tsp oregano
Juice from 1 lime (about 2 1/2 Tbs), freshly squeezed. Heather, if you use that bottled shit, I swear to God I will hunt you down and bitch slap you.
Salt, 2 generous pinches
Cilantro-Garlic Aioli
Juice from 2 limes, freshly squeezed. (I’m watching, Heather.)
1/4 c canola oil
1/2 cup sour cream
4 green onions, white and green parts
1/2 bunch of cilantro, stems included (Yes! You can use the stems! Woot!)
2 cloves garlic
1 tsp kosher salt
Avocado salsa
One large, or three small, avocados, diced
1/4 cup minced red onion
1/4 cup chopped fresh cilantro (Just leaves this time, kiddos. Keep it pretty.)
Kosher salt to taste (1-2 tsp)
Juice from one freshly squeezed lime (Still watching.)
Keep Calm and justeffingcook
Shrimp
Toss the shrimp with oil, seasonings and lime juice and let marinate. Go get a beer.
Preheat your grill of choice to medium high and get your ass back to the kitchen to make the fixins. Don’t forget your beer.
Got the salsa and aioli finished? Perfect. Stick those shrimp on some skewers. Don’t worry. At this point, it can’t hurt them. They’re super dead because you’ve just pulled out their intestines.
Introduce them to the grill. Two minutes on each side should do it.
Aioli
Roughly chop the cilantro, green onions, and garlic and add to a blender. Add other ingredients and blend. If it won’t go, add a little water until it does.
That’s actually all. I tricked you with the numbered list. Ha!
Avocado salsa
No numbers this time. I knew you wouldn’t fall for it again.
Just toss it all together, dude.
Assemble
Not much else to say here. Literally assemble and eat.
Nothing this good should be this easy. All you will manage to say say while eating will mostly be garbled because you 1. your mouth is full and 2. you will have lost all capacity for intelligent discourse.
Good problems to have.
