Ridiculously Easy

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Carnitas
Carnitas

If you have a pulse, you know what carnitas are and that they are delicious. This is all that this post requires of you, so fear not the history lesson.

Pimiento Cheese
Pimiento Cheese

Pimiento cheese is easy and quick and effing delicious. This version adds smoky and spicy to the descriptors thus achieving the total package.

Roasted Vegetable Galettes
Roasted Vegetable Galettes

“I don’t know how to put this, but…I made my own puff pastry.”

You heard me right, folks. I made my own damn puff pastry. All it took was some planning, organization, half a day, and two pounds of butter. See? Anyone can do it.

Bulgogi Bowl
Bulgogi Bowl

Why does this dish inspire obsessive behavior? Because it is packed with amazing flavor, is super easy to make, and it all cooks in the amount of time it takes to steam the rice. Perfect weeknight dinner material.

Spicy Peanut Noodles
Spicy Peanut Noodles

Frankly, you could slather this peanut sauce on a flip flop and chew that shit with a smile on your face. That’s how good it is.

Banh Mi with Seared Ahi Tuna
Banh Mi with Seared Ahi Tuna

My daughter went to Vietnam for a school trip and came back with a love of Vietnamese cuisine. You may not find this surprising, since Vietnamese food is fucking delicious. But this girl survived on mac and cheese and chicken nuggets for nearly fifteen years, so for me, this was a delightful surprise.

Pasta with Burrata and Pea Shoots
Pasta with Burrata and Pea Shoots

You know that pasta sauce I love so much? The one with garlic and Calabrian chiles? Well, toss that on some pasta with some peas and pea shoots, then mix some creamy burrata all up in that shit, and this is what you get: fucking deliciousness. Spicy and lemony with that gooey, creamy goodness is a winning - no, a genius - combo.

Israeli Couscous Salad with Pine Nuts and Currants
Israeli Couscous Salad with Pine Nuts and Currants
Pantry Pasta
Pantry Pasta

Capers and lemons last for ages in the refrigerator, and then you open your pantry for some pasta and this one…little…magical ingredient.

Santa Fe Chicken Soup
Santa Fe Chicken Soup

It may not cure Covid-19, but it sure as shit tastes great.

Salsa Verde
Salsa Verde

There are plenty of great salsa verde recipes out there. One could argue you don’t even really need a recipe: roasted tomatillos, serranos, garlic, a little lime, and cilantro. Season to taste. Hard to go wrong.

Pineapple Bacon Fried Rice with Duck Confit
Pineapple Bacon Fried Rice with Duck Confit

…They have a pineapple bacon fried rice that I order every single time. Every time I’m like, “No, I have to try something different, because it’s all so amazing,” but then the wait staff comes up and I’m like, “PINEAPPLE BACON FRIED RICE WITH CONFIT DUCK!…gah, fuck.”

Mexican Crab Cakes
Mexican Crab Cakes

What happens when a crab cake gets all jacked up on cilantro and serranos? Good things.

Second-best Corn Tortillas in the World
Second-best Corn Tortillas in the World

Have you ever lamented the horrible mistakes you’ve made in your life? Drowned in a whiskey-addled funk of self-loathing because if only you knew then what you know now, things would have been different?

Calabrian Chile Garlic Nirvana
Calabrian Chile Garlic Nirvana

If crack were a pantry staple, it would be Calabrain chiles. The End.

Amazing Fucking Sheet Pan Chicken
Amazing Fucking Sheet Pan Chicken

The skin on this chicken is literally. The. Best. Thing. Ever.

Life-affirming Grilled Shrimp Tacos
Life-affirming Grilled Shrimp Tacos

After you eat these, I know you will want to send me things. Cash, first-born children, marriage proposals. Don’t bother. Except for the cash. I’ll take that.

Shit You Need

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Chile Paste Taste-off
Shit You Need
Chile Paste Taste-off
Shit You Need

Having a chile paste on hand is having a shortcut to flavor. Some are all heat. Some are heat plus. Plus garlic, plus spices, plus sugar, plus fermented soy, plus fish…if anything could possibly be considered delicious, inventive societies have added chile to it and made it into a sauce.

Shit You Need
Fucking Sharp Knives
Shit You Need
Fucking Sharp Knives
Shit You Need

Have you ever watched Gordon Ramsay mince an onion into perfect 2 mm cubes in 3 seconds flat? Or seed and dice a tomato so cleanly the tomato didn’t even see it coming? One minute it’s just sitting there and the next it’s laying in a million pieces like, “What the fuck just happened???”

Shit You Need
How To Stock Your Bar With Five Bottles
Shit You Need, Grown-ass drinks
How To Stock Your Bar With Five Bottles
Shit You Need, Grown-ass drinks

I am pleased as rum punch to introduce a new contributor to the site: JPM, aka Agent Four. I feel lucky to have enticed him away from MI5’s secretive cocktail program for what I hope will be the first of many glimpses into the thrilling world of adult beverages.

Shit You Need, Grown-ass drinks
The Best Pepper
Shit You Need
The Best Pepper
Shit You Need

If you read my salt post and thought my pantry was a little excessive, buckle the fuck up, because here we go.

Shit You Need
An Open Letter to Salt
Shit You Need
An Open Letter to Salt
Shit You Need

Dear Salt,

I love you.

Yours truly and forever,

Lucius

Shit You Need

Worth the Work

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Twenty Year Apple Pie
Bitch please, Worth the Work
Twenty Year Apple Pie
Bitch please, Worth the Work

I've been aiming for apple pie perfection for 20 years. Not just the occasional glorious pie but consistent, knock it out of the park, perfect crust, zero drippy fillings no matter what apples or pie dish or phase of the moon, mouth-watering, covetable pie-fection.

Bitch please, Worth the Work
Bomb-ass Jambalaya
Worth the Work
Bomb-ass Jambalaya
Worth the Work

I wanted my rice to tumble off my fork on the way to my mouth, studded with jewel-like bits of tomato and green onion and glistening with spicy, unctuous oils. Fucking flavor confetti. Mardi Gras in your mouth, but without the beads and drunk tourists. This was the jambalaya I needed in my life.

Worth the Work
Goat Cheese Epazote Tamales
Worth the Work
Goat Cheese Epazote Tamales
Worth the Work

I know what you’re thinking: What the fuck is epazote?

I’m glad you asked.

Worth the Work
Grilled Corn Tamales del Elote
Worth the Work
Grilled Corn Tamales del Elote
Worth the Work

Because we missed Fucking Delicious Friday this week, today is going to have to be Super-awesome Sunday. And boy is this one special: Tamales del Elote, or sweet corn. These are my favorite tamales, which is sort of like saying, “My favorite ice cream,” or, “My favorite Christmas ever,” or, “My favorite million-dollar lottery win.”

Worth the Work
NdM (Nougat de Montelimar)
Bitch please, Worth the Work
NdM (Nougat de Montelimar)
Bitch please, Worth the Work

If you’re like most people, nougat is almost a joke. It sounds funny when you say it (nu-git) and it’s nothing but the shit you have to get through before you hit the caramel in a Milky Way.

Bitch please, Worth the Work
ERMAHGERD!!! (Duck Confit)
Worth the Work
ERMAHGERD!!! (Duck Confit)
Worth the Work

Welcome to this week’s installment of Fucking Delicious Fridays! This week I have a conundrum. How to categorize duck confit?

Worth the Work

Bitch, Please.

Featured
Pear Almond Tartlets
Pear Almond Tartlets

When life gives you lemons, make tartlets.

Blueberry Buttermilk Pie
Blueberry Buttermilk Pie

Chess pie and buttermilk pies are both traditional Southern custard pies born out of a lack of the “usual” ingredients, and both are astonishingly great.

Twenty Year Apple Pie
Twenty Year Apple Pie

I've been aiming for apple pie perfection for 20 years. Not just the occasional glorious pie but consistent, knock it out of the park, perfect crust, zero drippy fillings no matter what apples or pie dish or phase of the moon, mouth-watering, covetable pie-fection.

Gianduja
Gianduja

You can buy gianduja from specialty stores online. But you’ll typically only find large quantities, and maybe you don’t want 5 pounds of the stuff. Maybe you just need a little to make some slammin’ ice cream. Can you make a batch at home? You sure can.

Gianduja Ice Cream
Gianduja Ice Cream

Gianduja is Italian for “Holy Mother of God this tastes so amazing it has to be immoral.”

NdM (Nougat de Montelimar)
NdM (Nougat de Montelimar)

If you’re like most people, nougat is almost a joke. It sounds funny when you say it (nu-git) and it’s nothing but the shit you have to get through before you hit the caramel in a Milky Way.

Honey Olive Oil Gelato
Honey Olive Oil Gelato

If you don’t believe me that olive oil ice cream is a thing, simply ask Mr. Google. I did the research myself and discovered that, apparently, it is fucking fabulous.

Toasted Coconut Ice Cream
Toasted Coconut Ice Cream

Some people do not like coconut. It’s one of the grim realities I have had to accept in this life.

Quince Preserves
Quince Preserves

The first time I brought up the subject of quince among my friends, they seemed uncomfortable.

Grown-ass Drinks

 

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Rebecca’s Manhattan
Grown-ass drinks
Rebecca’s Manhattan
Grown-ass drinks

See the glowing reviews:

“This is the best damn thing in the whole wide world.”

- literally everyone.

Grown-ass drinks
Smoked Rosemary Negroni
Grown-ass drinks
Smoked Rosemary Negroni
Grown-ass drinks

As the summer begins to retreat and autumn slowly drifts in on the cool evening breezes, it is time to change your cocktail program.

Grown-ass drinks
How To Stock Your Bar With Five Bottles
Shit You Need, Grown-ass drinks
How To Stock Your Bar With Five Bottles
Shit You Need, Grown-ass drinks

I am pleased as rum punch to introduce a new contributor to the site: JPM, aka Agent Four. I feel lucky to have enticed him away from MI5’s secretive cocktail program for what I hope will be the first of many glimpses into the thrilling world of adult beverages.

Shit You Need, Grown-ass drinks
Santa Fe Margarita
Grown-ass drinks
Santa Fe Margarita
Grown-ass drinks

I hold this truth to be self-evident: Under no circumstances should a blender be allowed to touch a margarita.

Grown-ass drinks

Fucking Fails

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Basil Strawberry Ice Cream
Fucking Fails
Basil Strawberry Ice Cream
Fucking Fails

I blame the farmer’s market.

The strawberries there were gorgeous: deep red and perfect and as sweet as cherubs rolled in powdered sugar. And they were right next to some kick-ass basil. They looked so pretty together and it sounded so good. What could possibly go wrong?

Quite a bit, as it turned out.

Fucking Fails
Crab Cakes from Fresh Claws!
Fucking Fails
Crab Cakes from Fresh Claws!
Fucking Fails

Pretty, right? Well, shit’s about to go south in a big way.

Fucking Fails