Second-best Corn Tortillas in the World

*A recipe worthy of my inaugural “Fucking Delicious Friday” series.*

Have you ever lamented the horrible mistakes you’ve made in your life? Drowned in a whiskey-addled funk of self-loathing because if only you knew then what you know now, things would have been different?

You have? Me, too.

For instance: when I realized how easy it was to make corn tortillas and how much MUCH MUCH better they were than anything you can buy outside of a tortilleria. Like, not even the same ballpark. Not even the same sport.

We must allow ourselves the mistakes of youth, for however else would we learn? We simply must never allow ourselves to repeat those terrible mistakes of the past. Pinky promise with me, will you?

A bag of masa and two minutes, and you will begin to forgive yourself. You may even begin to forget those mistakes. The store bought tortillas, the horrible way you broke up with that one person, the sticky and fumbled way you lost your virginity.

It can all be made right once more. (Cue lighters, raise them in the air and sway as the music swells.)

Masa = hope!

*One masa, two masa. Yellow masa, blue masa.*

Shit You Need

2 cups masa harina. Not corn meal. The label will read “Instant corn masa flour” or “masa instantánea de maíz”.
1 1/2 cups hot water
one generous pinch of kosher salt
Two minutes of your precious time

*This is the consistency you’re going for. Insert winky emoji here.*

Keep Calm and justeffingcook

Stir all the ingredients together. Yup, it’s that easy. Ashamed of yourself yet? If it makes you feel better, get your hand in there and really mush it around. Scoop and punch it down…scoop and punch it down, See, this is hard work! No wonder you waited so long!
You are aiming for the consistency of Play-dough. It will hold together without cracking but not really stick to your hand.
With wet hands, take a portion the size of a golf ball and roll it into a, well… ball. If you want to get technical, I use about 1 1/2 ounces for a 6 inch tortilla.
Smush that fucker flat. Plastic on top, plastic on the bottom - a cut zip-top bag works great. Don’t have a tortilla press? I’m not going to make you buy one. Use your skillet. But if you want extra credit, go to your local Latin grocer and buy a tortilla press for $12. It makes it much easier. I press, turn 90 degrees, press, turn 90 degrees, etc. This gives me an even thickness.
How thick should it be? Ever seen a corn tortilla? That thick.
The hardest part of the whole endeavor is peeling the tortilla away from the plastic. So - a.) peel the top plastic away, b.) flip plastic + tortilla onto to your hand, tortilla side down, one edge well supported and the other hanging down (see the handy photo below - aren’t I thoughtful?), c.) gently tease the plastic away, starting on the supported side.
Cooking happens in two parts - the first is on the griddle or in a pan. Sweep the tortilla onto the griddle as if you are finishing a magic trick with a flourish. (Again, see below.) You will be tempted to take a bow. Go ahead. You deserve it.
You will cook this lovely fellow on medium high, about a 30 seconds on each side, but hitting that first side twice (ie 90 second total). Press it a bit with your spatula. If the tortilla fairy smiles on you, it will puff up in the middle and you can claim tortilla genius status.
Wrap the tortilla in a kitchen towel while you work on its comrades. This towel-time steams the tortilla and completes the cooking.
Invite your friends over for your HOMEMADE FUCKING CORN TORTILLAS and let them ooh and aah all over you. You will get all the love. Until they find out these are only the second best corn tortillas in the world…it was nice while it lasted, though, right?